Okay, okay. I’m sure ya’ll have that one guy that you have a crush on and probably likes you back. And I’m sooo sure that he’s hella cute and hella funny or whatever you tell your friends, buuuut the realm of flirtation and interaction is stuck somewhere in between liking each other’s Facebook posts or a few online conversations here and there. Now you’re sitting here wondering WHY. THE. FUCK. won’t he ask me out?? Or even “chill”? Like how we millennials like to call it. You want to grab some food, or a beer, or SOMETHING, anything! But, dayuuuuumn! This boy just ain’t doing shit!
Hmmmmm, I wonder if there was a magical solution for finally going out with your crush?
Duh, bitch! ASK HIM OUT. Come on, guys. It’s 2017. We ain’t sitting around locked up in a tower anymore, waiting for prince charming to come and rescue us. How about you get your ass on your damn white horse and go pick up prince charming instead. I swear to Zeus and Athena, it really ain’t the fucking hard. And this shit doesn’t even have to be something formal, like “Ummm, would you like to go out with me?” NAAAAH, fuck that. Keep it casual, like it’s no biggie (because it really isn’t). I want you to do this SOOO much that I’m giving you a little cheat sheet.
Things you can say to (lowkey) ask your crush out:
- “Foooooodtrip???” (Worked like magic 😏 )
- “Yo, there’s a buy one pizza deal, go with meee!”
- “Yo, wanna watch *insert movie title here* Come! Let’s watch!”
- “Did you see that new restaurant downtown?? Let’s check it out!”
- “Wanna get shitfaced?”
- *Sends link* “LEGGO!”
- “Yo, wanna get fat today?”
- “Hey! I’m somewhere near you, pass by!! Let’s hang.”
- “Let’s get shit straight, when you askin’ me out, boy?”
- “We should hang soon!”
- “So, Jesus told me to tell you to buy me food, so I think you should buy me food”
Okay, that’s all I can think of right now. But you know you crush more than I do, so I’m sure you’ll find one or formulate your words that will work on him like magic. And it really isn’t a big deal, ladies! If there’s even the slightest chance that he’s into you, I’m sure he’ll say YES! And if it’s not a yes, it’s probably a “I can’t today, maybe another time?” BOOM! Still a win. Just TRUST ME ON THIS ONE, babes. IT. WILL. WORK.
“Just Do It”
“Just Fucking Do It”
So, I hope you have fun with your boy in your chill session, hang out, whatever. Baby steps. Soon enough, it’s going to escalate and bloom into an actual and real date. I AM ROOTING FOR YOU and I am 100% sure that you can do it! I did it! So, so can you. I am so positive that your can rock this shit that I want to you tell me how you asked your crush out and tell me how it went!!! I’d LOOOOOOVE to hear your stories, pretty please!
Ya’ll ladies can always hit me up here (about anything and everything)
I’ll be waiting. 😘